Benigno Erasmo David

I had this realization yesterday as I was comparing the pictures below of Ben that Lawrence uploaded.  It’s obvious to most but seemed incredible to me (in the un-credible sense): all of Ben’s growth has been due to nourishment from me.  Since conception and til now, every cell of his has been sustained solely through what I eat.  What an awesome (in the full of awe sense) responsibility to have as a mother.

Lawrence did rain on my parade a bit when I told him my realization, “Well, technically he’s also getting some calorie supplements in your milk at the NICU.” Thanks for that, Dad.

Ben at 32 weeks

Ben at 36 weeks

“That’s just cruel.”

That was the response our primary nurse had to Lawrence when she heard him laughing at Ben-Ben.  He had been kangaroo-ing with Ben-Ben this weekend when, as usual, Ben-Ben began rooting.  It probably takes Ben anywhere from 5-15 minutes to make his way to Lawrence’s nipple.  In the past, he has gotten to Lawrence’s nipple, attempted a meal, come up short, and just put his head down to rest.  But now that he’s either got more energy or has developed more of a sense of injustice, he cries, loudly, when he gets there and comes up empty-mouthed.

The part that our nurse probably found particularly cruel was Lawrence’s watching him root since it is as if he were waiting for the punch line of Ben rooting and getting nothing in return for his efforts.  Having witnessed this happen, I must say that it was pretty funny.  But since we are supposed to be responsible parents now, it’s probably best not to induce a sense of trauma in Ben, at least this early.

now that he’s bottle-feeding regularly, benig has been moved out of his isolette and into what looks like a large tupperware bin.  the bins make caring for him much easier, since you’re not constricted by arm ports.  but, the bins aren’t heated, which can be problematic when hospital thermostats are set in the 60s.  we’ll be bringing benig some extra blankets soon.

the nurses are hopeful that he’ll do well out of the isolette.  ben’s been thermoregulating pretty well and he’s been putting on weight consistently: he’s now a robust 5 lbs and 1 oz.  i think he’s starting to look like a miniature marlon brando.

benig just hit his gestational age of 35 weeks on friday.  a look back at week 34:

• benig hit 2200 grams (4 lbs, 13 oz).
• benig got taken off the caffeine he was taking to prevent apnea spells
• benig learned how to drink from a bottle

mom and dad also crossed the refrigeration rubicon: we had to purchase a 7 cubic foot chest freezer to store all of the milk mom’s been pumping out.

In the first days of life, Ben-Ben had issues passing bowel movements, requiring suppositories to help him along.  His movements became more regular until my breast milk began being fortified with extra calories and iron, since the volume of breast milk he can presumably handle, based on his weight, does not provide the adequate number of calories and nutrients he needs.  While obviously beneficial, the fortification has a couple of unfortunate side effects on Ben’s poop:

1) Blowouts. Newborns and even preemies will normally poop every few hours in moderate amounts. Ben has been managing to poop once every 24-36 hours, and when he does, his movements are “explosive”, per several nurses.

2) Battery-smell.  Newborn poop usually smells like, well, poop, and usually less foul than adult, formed poop.  The fortification has made Ben’s poop smell particularly foul and metallic, perhaps like rotting metal if that even exists.  This is not particular to Ben though; a nurse told us the other day that since most babies in the NICU are on this fortification, they occasionally need to air the NICU out if a few of babies happen to poop at the same time.

I’ve managed to change Ben after a couple of these blowouts.  For the first one I cleaned up, I was in the middle of measuring his length with the nutritionist, who heard the movement and smelled the smell and remarked, as if embarrassed for Ben, “Oh my!” Subsequently, our nurse came by to see what had happened and said, “Oh boy.  We’re going to have to change his incubator if we can’t manage to air that out. No one should have to live in that.”  In another blowout that both Lawrence and I happened to miss, the nurse told us she had to bathe Ben since “it got all over him”.

Ben manages to save the special blowouts, however, for Tatay Lawrence.  For probably already half a dozen times, Lawrence manages to induce the blowouts after, or if unlucky during, the diaper change.  In one particularly memorable diaper change, Ben managed to have 4 consecutive blowouts, all during the change.  By the fourth one, his poop was all over the inside of his incubator.  And Lawrence was so flustered in trying to do damage control that he managed to drop the wipes he was using to clean up from the roof of the incubator, down its side, and onto the floor, leaving enormous streaks all along the way.  Lolo Rico was there and actually got on his hands and knees to clean the floor while our poor nurse had to find an entirely new incubator.  Lawrence said that the whole time, Ben looked nonplussed, and perhaps even calculating, as he does during one of my changes in the picture below.  I joke that Ben knows who wants to collect his poop and is simply being thoughtful with his timing.

ben just turned 4 weeks old on friday, which puts him at a gestational age of 34 weeks.

one of the infant behaviors ben’s starting to exhibit is “rooting.”  rooting babies show signs of wanting to be breastfed: they tend to open and close their mouths during feeding times, and they have a tendency to move towards the breast when placed on  the mother’s chest.

unfortunately, ben’s rooting reflex is still a little unrefined, as he got pretty confused while kangarooing on dad the other day.  without warning, ben rolled his head, stuck his mouth on dad’s boob, and started sucking.  needless to say, dad was rather alarmed (and benig was presumably unsatisfied!)

last week or so, benig graduated from intensive care in the NICU to intermediate care.

the intensive care room at the NICU is fairly dense; there are 6-8 incubators crammed into a room the size of half a volleyball court.  this is where the most premature babies first come, and where the very sick babies stay.  since these babies require constant care and monitoring, a single nurse is assigned only two babies to take care of.  the room is fairly loud, but not from crying, as most babies are too young to even be fussy.  instead, it sounds like a microwave is finished about every 10 seconds: all kinds of beeps ring when babies’ alarms signal high or low heart rates, desaturated o2 levels, or apnea spells.

the tight quarters and noise makes it a relief to move into intermediate care.  these rooms are about 50% larger but hold the same number of babies.  nurses in intermediate care are also assigned 3 babies each, so there are also fewer caregivers in the room.  since the babies tend to be more mature and healthier, there are fewer alarms going off and emergencies in the room.  still, it’s clearly a clinical place: there’s a central panel of LCD monitors showing baby stats for all the babies in the room.  makes it look like a baby stock exchange.

grandparents and aunts came through town these past days to see ben.  our parents (benig’s “lolo” and “lolas” in tagalog) got to hold him for the first time.

everyone looked very happy.  so happy, in fact, that christina and i are concerned that our parents love benig more than they love us.

lolo rico (my dad) said, “nako sarap,” when he first held benig, which literally means “oh no, tasty,” but really conveys something more like, “sinfully good.”

lola peppy (my mom) exclaimed when she got to hold benig, “this is the happiest day of my life!”  when christina asked, “what about when lawrence was born?” mom replied, “oh, that was too long ago.”

finally, lola neneng couldn’t stop saying, “i love you ben …” christina tells me the first time she heard her mom say “i love you” was when she left for college.

who knew mom gave birth only 2.5 weeks ago?

benig is still a little too young to be fed via breast or bottle — mastering the suck/swallow/breathe trifecta usually happens around 34 weeks.  instead, he feeds via nasal gavage, which is a fancy french term for tube in the nose.

it was a bit heartbreaking to see a nurse insert his nasal gavage right after birth — ben screamed the way i would if someone shoved a tube down my throat.  it looked so cruel to put such a small child through so much discomfort.

i must admit i was a little proud to hear that several days later, ben committed a small act of defiance: he extubated himself, which means he pulled out his own nasal tube.  (sadly, his tube was put right back in by one of the nurses.)

still, the nurses’ tube tyranny hasn’t dampened ben’s spirit, and christina and i constantly find him yanking at his gavage.