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Maggie: Don’t worry, God will help us.
[Loads shotgun]
Tracy: Then what’s that for?
Maggie: In case God doesn’t show up.

the screenwriters for pumpkinhead had enormous talent; and by god, did they flaunt it.

well, i thought i’d follow their leads and flaunt my own talents. it’s taken an entire year, but someone has finally looked past my apparent indolence and ignorance, to recognize what sets me apart here at mit. i’ve got mad stupid pumpkin carving skillz.

exhibit a:

eric alm pumpkin

a portrait of my advisor, eric alm, in pumpkin. that pumpkin snatched first prize at our building-wide pumpkin carving contest the other weekend. the competition was fierce: the young children (sons and daughters of faculty and research scientists) were disturbingly good at wielding knives. the grad students, outclassed in skill, made up for it in heart – my colleague produced the crowd-favorite pumpkin by deftly shaving an hourglass centered around a large vertical ridge: it was a giant orange ass.

i think what really won the hearts of the judges, however, was my attention to detail, such as the 6-inch carving knife obliquely jutting out of my pumpkin’s head [not pictured above]. my advisor asked, “why is there a 6-inch carving knife sticking out of my head?” before i had a chance to respond, a bystander wittily interjected, “it symbolizes your sharp wit.” yup, that’s it.

[eric, if you're reading this, i promise i don't want to put a knife through your head. unless it means that i graduate faster, in which case ... golly, it'd be awkward if my advisor read my blog.]

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