my advisor said the darndest thing [last one, i promise!]
December 6th, 2006 by Lawrence David
here’s a good eric-quote to take out of context:
“lawrence – you’re a pretty bad asian.”
[if there was an asian al sharpton, i'd be on the phone with him right now. i'd be demanding to know why he keeps going to that stylist who keeps dressing him in that creepy perm.]
as eric opened the door into his office today, i noticed that someone had slipped a red envelope under it.
me: “you better watch out eric – red means danger!”
our lab nemesis (we’ve been hoping to provoke one for some time) might have finally made the first move and declared war on our research group. i was hoping it’d be a joust.
in any case, i was fairly certain that a red envelope was a bad sign. think about it – only evil things paint themselves red: communists, republicans, devil worshipers, and those berries on your neighbors’ bushes that as a kid, you have to learn the hard way aren’t good for eating.
of course, it was immediately apparent to eric that the red envelope didn’t portend some kind of scientific doom; instead, it was actually an invitation to a chinese wedding.
the chinese, for some crazy reason, think red is a lucky color and so link it to auspicious events.
upon explaining myself and hearing eric’s deconstruction of the red envelope … [insert aforementioned eric quote here.]
good thing i didn’t go on to blurt out, “oh the lucky red envelope – i thought chinese new year falls around this time of year.” [it's not for another 2 months.]
slinking back to my cubicle, i thought, “how was i supposed to know these things?” i’m filipino dammit – where’s it written down that i’ve got to know about chinese lucky customs?
an extensive survey of the local filipino community (sample size of 1 christina), however, revealed that it is indeed common knowledge that red == good luck for the chinese. i was just being ignorant again.
sometimes, i feel like there was some universal memo that everyone gets to read around the time they get to middle school. in it are these sorts of universal facts: lucky chinese color = red; damon wayans and keenen ivory wayans are in fact brothers and not just 2 guys with the same stage names [only learned last year]; the stuff that makes your hair oily comes from your scalp, not from your shampoo [learned from a horrified christina 3 months ago]. needless, to say, i have yet to see a copy of this document. at least, i’ve got the small comfort of knowing christina has only read portions of it.
Hemashi informed you at the US Open six years ago that the Wayans are indeed brothers, which makes your lack of this knowledge even funnier since there was a show on TV called “The Wayans Brothers” at the time.
you cut me deep, law, real deep